50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#28

“Jealousy and bitterness will hold you back from truly living your life.

Let it go.”

 

I’m sure the Frozen song is playing in your head right now, whether you like it or not. Sorry for that.

Oh jealousy and bitterness…such powerful emotions that have absolutely no use.

When I think of times that I felt jealous of someone or something that someone had, I have no memories of ambition or accomplishment from those situations. No one came around with a magic wand and gave me what I envied and I certainly didn’t end up being just like them. So…what was the point of all the misery?

I remember bitterness…serious, intense bitterness. I remember it becoming an entity of its own. I lost myself in it so deeply that I didn’t find myself again for 15 years. Was the bitterness justified? Well hell yes! I didn’t deserve this treatment and this bitterness was my weapon. I owned it. Oh yeah. The problem was that this weapon was aimed at me. It took me a long time to see the end of the barrel, but I did.  I hope you don’t take as long.

Let it go! Let it go!

Oh c’mon. Sing it.

Set yourself free.

 

 

 

Video credit: Youtube

 

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#23

“If you constantly blame others, you will never see your own mistakes.”

Pretty self explanatory. You’re not perfect. You never will be perfect. You can be 99.9 percent right, but never 100 percent. If you are, then you may have landed here from some unknown planet because this planet, my friends, is full of humans. Humans falter on a regular basis.

Breathe…falter….breathe…falter.

Catch those breaths in between.

Look in the mirror. Reflect on your actions.

It might not be pretty, but you will discover something amazing…an enlightenment, so to speak…a realization of your own flaws and blunders.

This can change your life.

 In every interaction or relationship, we have strengths and weaknesses that come into play. Even if we are “right”, we can present it the wrong way. Presentations are like a land mine of misunderstandings waiting to happen…and in our quest to be heard and understood, we make mistakes. And that isn’t all of it. Sometimes, we really are wrong. We forget or refuse to take the time to look into that crystal clear stream of reality and see our own imperfections.

Enough said.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#22

“Friends do not always reveal themselves.”

I am still hanging on to the theory that we were put on this earth to share with others. Whether it be our time, our possessions, our abilities, our talents, our compassion, our stories…whatever we have to give, I think we are supposed to give.  When doing so, sometimes we are blessed with interactions that lead to friendships.

Friendships are gifts. The problem is that sometimes they are hard to identify. If only they came in neat little packages tied up with a bow…with a little tag that says, “Really, I’m your friend..for real.”  Between reading social cues, dealing with your own personal insecurities and the fear of forming assumptions, it can become complicated…at least it has been for me. Maybe I’m just a freak so unique that I have trouble with this. I am a very open person. This could hinder the process of some potential friendships. I probably scare the hell out of people. Would I change this about me? Absolutely not.

So what have I learned about friendships?

I’ve learned that often I am afraid to call them that.

I know what I think a friendship should be.

My eclectic personality requires a wide variety of friends.

I’ve learned that the more time someone gives me, the more I feel they are truly my friend.

Although I do not fear rejection (because I am secure with who I am), I get frustrated when I can’t determine the intentions of others. I am not sure if this is a problem on my part or theirs.

For the most part, I think I am a good friend.

I treasure the friendships I have.

A friend can come in any size, race, age, occupation, social background, education, etc.

Openness is key to me.

Your spouse can be your best friend.

Anything pretentious, materialistic or superficial does not interest me.  My relationships need to be deeper.

I have learned that even at my age, I still have lots to learn about establishing friendships.

In my opinion…

A good friend truly cares about you, would do almost anything in the world for you, listens to you, advises you, confides in you, laughs with you and cries with you.

A good friend is someone who doesn’t care what you look like, accepts all of your faults, your mistakes and never gives up on you.

A good friend has no ulterior motives for being your friend.

A good friend considers the reasons you have become who you are.

A good friend sees your positive traits and enjoys them in the moment.

A good friend has time for you.

A good friend would sincerely miss you if you were gone.

Birds of a feather sticking together at San Diego Zoo Safari Park

Strength Where There is Nothing Else (50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#12)

#12. “You are much stronger than you think. You just have to tap into it.”

There is an abyss that exists in my mind.

I have been there.

It is a place of darkness, unimaginable hopelessness , shock, denial, fear…but most of all, it is empty.

It is nothingness with the relentless power to end you as you know you and your life as you know it.

You try to move…..you can’t.

Cold reality has its grip on you so tight, it is easier to succumb to it, than it is to fight.

The ground you walked on crumbles under you and the only way to go is down.

You bounce around in the tunnel of blackness, empty headed.

There is no mercy here. You surrender to the unidentified force that surrounds you.

Nothing else means a thing. This place is center stage and you are the audience tied to your seat.

Nothing moves. Nothing cares.

You are still.

Sometimes there is more strength in stillness, in silence.

Sometimes what we don’t do is stronger than what we do.

Sometimes our strength is not about our stamina, courage or our energy.

Sometimes……it comes from the faintest whisper in our mind, the weakest part of our sanity……the dimmest light.

Sometimes we can only find enough strength to extend one tired and desperate  hand

……and hold on.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#9

#9.  “Happiness and contentment in your life only happens because you are happy and content with yourself.”

Throughout my twenties and thirties, I had a vision of what would make me happy. It was a perfect world and time.   It was just outside the box of reality I lived in, but completely achievable….or so I thought. It was more than just career goals or personal milestones. It was this imaginary idea of what my life should be like. I constantly pined for it . I was always waiting for it.  I like to think that I had some kind of epiphany about this but maybe it was just a few hard knocks that forced me to finally free myself of these ridiculous and unnecessary expectations.

As I approached 4O,  I found myself again…under the rubble of wishes and good intenti0ns. Wow, I was M.I.A. and didn’t even know it!

Why is it that different things make different people happy? Maybe it’s because it is our own particular state of mind that reacts. Happy things make happy people happy. They don’t work as well with unhappy people. People in my life have suffered similar challenges and losses. Although they all found themselves drowning in  despair and self pity, some have not come back up for air. They are still swimming around in the aftermath, hanging on to what happened to them, their only strength is their pain. It’s really easy to be unhappy. It requires no work on our part. Acceptance requires action but believe me, it is worth it in the end. Our own contentment welcomes the laughter, the warmth, and the beautiful stillness.

California breathin’

Feeling inspired to write a poem today…….

SEARCH FOR SERENITY

Taking, needing, wanting

All the while believing it is the goal

To find, to get, to hold

A dream deserved

Only to realize

The illusion of plans

And the truth of fate.

Giving, accepting, feeling

As each moment ignites only briefly

Feeding the soul for only now

Is there anything

Not conjured up

Or wished upon

Only within is there light

To find, to get, to hold.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#8

*8. ” Nothing can change the past. You can only change how you feel about it.  Move on.”

Reminiscing about the past was something I valued. I thought it meant I was deep. I reflected on my experiences. I analyzed. I let myself be consumed by the emotions and the images and the……..

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..rewind.

Reminiscing is something I still value.  I still think it makes me deep.  I like to reflect.

Ok, now I’m being honest.

The truth is , it’s hard to keep your focus on what is ahead without looking behind you. You know what is behind you. It’s your story, your identity, your true but slightly fabled account of how it went down. It gives you fuel to make a point. It gives excuses for your daily behaviour. The past can hold a lot of negative power.

The future becomes a tale to be told later. Right now, it can give you hope. If you are oblivious to it, it will simply pass you by and join the other dead parts of who you were and what you did.

Look at your present moment.  Feel it.  Know it.  Own it.  “Now” is something you can choose. The past is no longer a choice.

You can’t change the past but you can change your feelings about it. I am not talking about denying yourself the emotions you need to move through stages of grief or divorce.  These are necessary, healthy steps in your journey. When you can’t bare to take the next step however,  you may find it helpful to ask yourself some questions.

Will I let this hurt me to the core of my being?

How do I want this to change who I am?

Can I think of new ways to handle this, cope with this or accept this?

Did I do anything to contribute to this event? Am I being honest with myself about that?

Is there something I can salvage from the wreckage that is new to me, something I can use to move forward?

If we dwell on what has been, then it will be again….and again…..and again, in our minds.

Good memories can be treasured and filed under A for awesome. Take them out and bring them back to life whenever the urge strikes you…because they give you joy! It is cruel to relive our tragedies, losses and broken dreams. File them under D for done.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#2

#2. You can procrastinate about not procrastinating.

Even the word “procrastinate” sounds like something to avoid.  It has such an unusual and harsh tone to it.

Why do we do it? There must be a reason why we don’t get around to doing what we planned to do. My excuses are many.

There isn’t enough time in a day.

Shall I clean the oven in my sleep?

I’m tired.

I am not doing that until this gets done.

I’ll call her tomorrow.

I need to be in the right mood to do that.

It would take me ALL day and I don’t have all day.

I was at work. Does that not count as exercise?

It’s just a little piece bar of chocolate.

If I can’t do it right, I’m not doing it at all.

I know I’ll do it, but not now ever.

I’m tired……again.

There’s  a  tiny little sliver in my right big toe . (Ok, I made that one up)

My excuses are rather lame. My intentions on the other hand , are outstanding!  My mood is very perky when I make the conscientious decision of  drawing up “the list”. With my favourite pen in hand, I look for the perfect piece of “Things to Do” paper . Then, using my best handwriting, I proceed to make the most elaborate list of projects ever! It’s an amazing feat of futility.  It doesn’t stop me, however, from feeling incredibly proud of myself as I cross the first  easiest task off the list. Bravo!! A few more strokes of the pen and I’ll be on my way.

Then something changes. I think it has a lot to do with that “P” word.  Somehow “the list” finds a cozy little space where I can easily forget it ever existed.  I  plan to make a new list…..

after another little piece of chocolate.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#1

A little over  a year ago,  I  found myself undeniably approaching  the big five oh (no!).  I was determined to make it significant, at least to me, so I decided to share  some things I’ve learned over the years…… the good times, the bad times, the crazy times and all those enlightening moments in between.

Some lessons take a moment, others a life time.  Maybe you can relate to a few.

Hope you find a moment to join me on a regular basis as I reflect on this roller coaster ride we call “LIFE”, starting with…..

#1.  If you’re holding a grudge, you’re letting someone continue to hurt you.

Think about it.

Someone causes you pain.  They ruin your day….or maybe your life?

Wait a minute! Are you going to let them ruin your life? Do they deserve that?  Do YOU deserve that?

Carrying a grudge is heavy work  but only you can lighten the load.

Are you waiting for an apology or someone to have a life changing enlightenment?  You could be waiting a long time.

You may be the only one capable of moving forward.   Harboring the anger, resentment and pain is your choice.

Simple as that.

      Stay tuned for #2 !