50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#8

*8. ” Nothing can change the past. You can only change how you feel about it.  Move on.”

Reminiscing about the past was something I valued. I thought it meant I was deep. I reflected on my experiences. I analyzed. I let myself be consumed by the emotions and the images and the……..

Errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr…..rewind.

Reminiscing is something I still value.  I still think it makes me deep.  I like to reflect.

Ok, now I’m being honest.

The truth is , it’s hard to keep your focus on what is ahead without looking behind you. You know what is behind you. It’s your story, your identity, your true but slightly fabled account of how it went down. It gives you fuel to make a point. It gives excuses for your daily behaviour. The past can hold a lot of negative power.

The future becomes a tale to be told later. Right now, it can give you hope. If you are oblivious to it, it will simply pass you by and join the other dead parts of who you were and what you did.

Look at your present moment.  Feel it.  Know it.  Own it.  “Now” is something you can choose. The past is no longer a choice.

You can’t change the past but you can change your feelings about it. I am not talking about denying yourself the emotions you need to move through stages of grief or divorce.  These are necessary, healthy steps in your journey. When you can’t bare to take the next step however,  you may find it helpful to ask yourself some questions.

Will I let this hurt me to the core of my being?

How do I want this to change who I am?

Can I think of new ways to handle this, cope with this or accept this?

Did I do anything to contribute to this event? Am I being honest with myself about that?

Is there something I can salvage from the wreckage that is new to me, something I can use to move forward?

If we dwell on what has been, then it will be again….and again…..and again, in our minds.

Good memories can be treasured and filed under A for awesome. Take them out and bring them back to life whenever the urge strikes you…because they give you joy! It is cruel to relive our tragedies, losses and broken dreams. File them under D for done.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years….#7

#7. “Don’t be afraid to take a stand. The people that matter will not hold it against you.”

I used to care….REALLY care about what others would think if I was more aggressive with my opinion. I still care. The only difference is that these self conscious feelings will not stop me. I don’t let them. I can only hope that those who are important in my life will accept me no matter what I stand up for or what I believe.

“ Why not go out on a limb? That’s where all the fruit is.”

Mark Twain (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

~Mark Twain~

Now that’s a good quote, truly better than mine. Love the imagery.

I spent at least the first half of my life sticking like glue to the trunk of the tree, afraid to move. It took me a long time to ……change? That is really what it boils down to.  There was no divine  intervention that took place to transform me. I just got tired of the  “me” that I had become. Somehow I was enlightened that change happens by changing your mind. It is purely psychological. You can remain the way you are, if you’re happy with that, or you can move on.  Find new ways to interpret and live your life.  Some significant losses and events in my life also gave me more reasons to venture out of my safe haven. When people you love die young……I think you know the rest.

Recently I took a stand by supporting a movement for environmental issues. The group made headlines around the world. Like many other movements, it has a strong message although not always delivered in a consistent, united or organized fashion. The cause reflected my beliefs, my morals and certainly my love for a clean world or “Mother Earth”, as this group refers to it.

I am a non-native working in a native community surrounded by chemical plants. I “get it”. I breathe it.

Taking a stand for this group took me on a couple walks of peaceful protest. I have to say I enjoyed every minute of it.  The prospect of change taking place because people speak up, people reach out, people  stand firm, is at the very least, inspiring.

Taking a stand can be easy, if you don’t think about the risks. You just get out there, balancing with whatever you have to stop you from falling. Pride, determination, strength or even disregard for what can happen because you believe it can’t be worse than playing it safe. There are times in your life when you gamble more. First day on the job….not so much. Veteran in the field…..let it rip. Just my opinion.

Limbs can break.  Sometimes what we’re standing on is not as solid as we thought.  We may or may not have been aware of that, but we got out there anyway. That’s the beauty of it.  Hopefully, when we hit the ground, we are unscathed. There are many more trees to climb.

Great place to stand alone
Aguirre Springs, New Mexico