50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#28

“Jealousy and bitterness will hold you back from truly living your life.

Let it go.”

 

I’m sure the Frozen song is playing in your head right now, whether you like it or not. Sorry for that.

Oh jealousy and bitterness…such powerful emotions that have absolutely no use.

When I think of times that I felt jealous of someone or something that someone had, I have no memories of ambition or accomplishment from those situations. No one came around with a magic wand and gave me what I envied and I certainly didn’t end up being just like them. So…what was the point of all the misery?

I remember bitterness…serious, intense bitterness. I remember it becoming an entity of its own. I lost myself in it so deeply that I didn’t find myself again for 15 years. Was the bitterness justified? Well hell yes! I didn’t deserve this treatment and this bitterness was my weapon. I owned it. Oh yeah. The problem was that this weapon was aimed at me. It took me a long time to see the end of the barrel, but I did.  I hope you don’t take as long.

Let it go! Let it go!

Oh c’mon. Sing it.

Set yourself free.

 

 

 

Video credit: Youtube

 

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#26

“Being with someone as they pass is as phenomenal as witnessing a birth. It is a privilege to be present.”

It started out as an ordinary day in November.

I was 22, enjoying my first “real” job since graduating from college. However, this day turned out to be life changing. Today I would lose my dad.

As I arrived at work, I was immediately told that I needed to call my aunt right away. It was about an hour’s drive to get to the hospital in my hometown. This was a blur, emotionally and literally as I urged my boyfriend to drive faster.

ICU was like some kind of dreamworld, some place that shouldn’t be…because the reality was too hard to accept. I remember white…sheets, walls, floors, nurse’s uniforms, the grey tone of my father’s face almost blending in. There were heart monitors, tubes, oxygen masks…things I had never seen. My 19 year old brother was standing beside the bed, trying hard to control his tears. I remember holding him up as his knees started to buckle. My 16 year old sister had an 8 hour trip by train. She would not make it in time. I remember watching the jagged waves on the heart monitor…every beep was another second of denial. As long as his heart was beating, this nightmare had not begun.

I watched him struggle to breathe. I saw the fear in his eyes. I felt the tiniest possibility of hope vanish when a nurse politely explained to us exactly how a person dies when there is no heart muscle left to keep them alive. She told us how the oxygen mask would make him “comfortable” in the end.

A few minutes before my father died, he suddenly attempted to rise to a sitting position. There was no logic to this, given the amount of strength he had left. It was frightening, but amazing at the same time. Looking straight ahead with eyes wide open, he pointed at something. He was unable to speak, but he was trying to communicate. He saw something. He knew something. He was entering a new realm, a journey that we were no longer a part of.

As devastating as this was, I felt so fortunate that I was there. I cannot imagine how disappointing it would be to take your last breaths on this earth without someone you love by your side. Death is not just about loss. Beyond the heartache, there is something more to this moment.

We celebrate the beginning of life.

We need to honor the end of it.

~

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years..#24

“Reality is sitting in a canyon,  watching the eagles fly.”

There is so much noise in this world.

Technology makes so much noise.

People make so much noise.

My mind makes so much noise.

We have dressed up this world so much that sometimes we can’t even see it. As we cover it with technology, politics, materialism, media…egos, we have forgotten about the world in it’s natural state. Within the simplicity of nature, we can find the truth. The truth is spoken in the wind, written in the clouds and carved in the rocks. The truth is lying in the grass and examining one blade… because one blade of grass is a symmetrical masterpiece.

Yeah, I know, I know…we have so much to do. Where would we find the time? The funny thing is, we have created our own complexity. We have built our own obstacles. We can make our lives as simple as we want them to be.

All that we desire and all that we “accomplish” in a day is trivial, compared to the miracles of LIFE.

We just have to clear away the clutter for a moment in order to see it.

We just have to silence the noise in order to hear it.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#23

“If you constantly blame others, you will never see your own mistakes.”

Pretty self explanatory. You’re not perfect. You never will be perfect. You can be 99.9 percent right, but never 100 percent. If you are, then you may have landed here from some unknown planet because this planet, my friends, is full of humans. Humans falter on a regular basis.

Breathe…falter….breathe…falter.

Catch those breaths in between.

Look in the mirror. Reflect on your actions.

It might not be pretty, but you will discover something amazing…an enlightenment, so to speak…a realization of your own flaws and blunders.

This can change your life.

 In every interaction or relationship, we have strengths and weaknesses that come into play. Even if we are “right”, we can present it the wrong way. Presentations are like a land mine of misunderstandings waiting to happen…and in our quest to be heard and understood, we make mistakes. And that isn’t all of it. Sometimes, we really are wrong. We forget or refuse to take the time to look into that crystal clear stream of reality and see our own imperfections.

Enough said.

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#22

“Friends do not always reveal themselves.”

I am still hanging on to the theory that we were put on this earth to share with others. Whether it be our time, our possessions, our abilities, our talents, our compassion, our stories…whatever we have to give, I think we are supposed to give.  When doing so, sometimes we are blessed with interactions that lead to friendships.

Friendships are gifts. The problem is that sometimes they are hard to identify. If only they came in neat little packages tied up with a bow…with a little tag that says, “Really, I’m your friend..for real.”  Between reading social cues, dealing with your own personal insecurities and the fear of forming assumptions, it can become complicated…at least it has been for me. Maybe I’m just a freak so unique that I have trouble with this. I am a very open person. This could hinder the process of some potential friendships. I probably scare the hell out of people. Would I change this about me? Absolutely not.

So what have I learned about friendships?

I’ve learned that often I am afraid to call them that.

I know what I think a friendship should be.

My eclectic personality requires a wide variety of friends.

I’ve learned that the more time someone gives me, the more I feel they are truly my friend.

Although I do not fear rejection (because I am secure with who I am), I get frustrated when I can’t determine the intentions of others. I am not sure if this is a problem on my part or theirs.

For the most part, I think I am a good friend.

I treasure the friendships I have.

A friend can come in any size, race, age, occupation, social background, education, etc.

Openness is key to me.

Your spouse can be your best friend.

Anything pretentious, materialistic or superficial does not interest me.  My relationships need to be deeper.

I have learned that even at my age, I still have lots to learn about establishing friendships.

In my opinion…

A good friend truly cares about you, would do almost anything in the world for you, listens to you, advises you, confides in you, laughs with you and cries with you.

A good friend is someone who doesn’t care what you look like, accepts all of your faults, your mistakes and never gives up on you.

A good friend has no ulterior motives for being your friend.

A good friend considers the reasons you have become who you are.

A good friend sees your positive traits and enjoys them in the moment.

A good friend has time for you.

A good friend would sincerely miss you if you were gone.

Birds of a feather sticking together at San Diego Zoo Safari Park