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Category Archives: Humor

Quadriculous

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OH fuddle muddle

I’m in trouble

I should sciddle scaddle scuttle

The doohickey, the gobbley gook

Have taken me out for a loopy-de-loop

Ya think you know what I’m talking about

But you are stuck on a round-a-bout

Going round,

going round,

going round…..

 

44 words of pure nonsense. The word ” muddle” made me silly. You can join in with De’s favourite prompt over at d’verse and feel free to be more serious!

 

Image credit: pixabay.com

 

Let’s Get it Over…Easy

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Egg me on

Come on

Tap me twice and

I’ll break for you

Find the faults that you’ve

Held me to

Watch the way that

I spill for you

Poke my yolk

Make me run

Scramble my thoughts

It’s still

All over your face

 

 

A quadrille is 44 words, excluding the title. This week you must include the word “egg”. 

Kim is our host. It’s all happening over at dVerse Poets Pub!

Image credit: pixabay.com

On Me Way to Work

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Strangest day it was

The past peepin’ roun’ corners

Portals open saysme

Or not… maybe

Do I ever close ’em

Let shadows lurketh

 

And biggest bizarrest day

Past peepin’roun corners

I n’me up

Making my head messin’

Me guessin’ whatsup

Somethin just not right

 

 

Wait! Lemme ‘splain it. It’s the most terriblest, worstest grammar ever!

That is the idea over at dVerse Poets Pub for this week’s Poetics.

 

Image credit: pixabay.com

 

 

 

Taradiddle

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Nothing more

Man in the moon malarkey

Stirring my drizzle of doubt

With a spoon

Logic, integrity lost

On some cat with a fiddle

Spewing his spittle of words

That I have heard before

Is there more?

I think I might have a cow

 

Join us at dVerse today for the fan favourite of 44 words and what we love to call the “quadrille”. As your host, I am asking you to include the word drizzle or derivative of. I have no idea what came over me to write this…except too many years of singing preschool rhymes.

Image credit: William Wallace Denslow, Wikipedia

 

 

 

 

 

Windbag

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From your lips

Word balloons drift

A speech bubble blitz

Of braggadocio

Oh Pinocchio

Clouds do not part

For your presence

 

You are marshmallowed

Hollowed

A fairy tale twaddle

Floating on folly

And horse feathers

Oh Romeo

Thy swelled head

Will soften your landing

 

For De’s quadrille prompt over at dVerse.

Write a 44 word poem including the word “balloon”.

 

Image credit: pixabay.com

Abusing Walls

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I held you up

I let you paint me

In the latest trends

Layer upon layer

Of boredom and

Mid-life madness

I hated periwinkle by the way

Then you had the gall

To nail me!

Fancy little treasures

All in a row…oh

I sheltered you

From the storms but

You just made your own

Then what do ya’ know?

You… kicked…me!

I didn’t like that

But I think it hurt you more

 

At dVerse Poets Pub we are giving walls a voice. 

You can join in too!

 

Image credit: pixabay.com

Horton Hears a Cleri-hew?

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Image credit: clipartpanda.com

 

 

 

A writer, cartoonist from Massachusetts

He wrote about cats and red fish, blue fish

His Pop had dreams of him being a doctor

But he dreamed of “loraxes”, giggles and laughter

 

He had bunches of hunches, he thought and he thunk

Ate green eggs for breakfast and some other junk

The “sneetches” of Google, Wikipedia.org

Say his goal was to make literacy never a bore!

 

 

Gayle has introduced us to a “clerihew” which uses couplets and humour to present a biographical topic. She explains it much better than I can, so head on over to dVerse. I may have broken a rule by not mentioning the late Theodore Seuss Geisel or as we fondly know him, Dr. Seuss.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dr._Seuss

 

 

 

Plight of a Pickle

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I was jarred

Plucked in my prime

Scrubbed and rinsed

Chopped and minced

No mercy!

You threw me to the brine

 

I was so jarred

By your salty ways

I could not process

Lost all that is tang-able

As you relished in

My demise

 

A bit of a cheesy quadrille for dVerse Poets Pub.

Stop by and join in the fun with 44 words.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Oops!

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I am sitting in the dining car of a train…or am I floating on the lake?

Either way it was magical.

~

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/photo-challenges/oops/

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Creepy II

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Don’t laugh!

We are creepy…very very creepy.

Ok.  We’re cute and creepy.

 

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These handsome little puffers were part of a display of blowfish at a museum in southwestern Ontario. With all their grins and googly eyes, I just couldn’t resist sharing.

 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/dp_photo_challenge/creepy/

Busting Pandora’s Chops

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Let’s throw our hearts in the ring

Because I am standing here at the

End of my pedestal

While you put your crocodile tears

All in one basket

Save some for a crazy day

Sprinkle them into the kool-aid

You so politely asked me to drink

As I choke down my last high horse

Let’s circle back

Nip this bad apple in a nutshell

Cold shoulders are pieces of cake

We can wear spices of life on our sleeves

Build more walls to write on

There are too many elephants

And not enough rooms

 

 

We are using, abusing and recycling cliche metaphors, idioms and corporate jargon over at dVerse. I interpreted Bjorn’s challenge of “cathachresis” a little differently and kept this simple and light. 

Image credit: Wikipedia

Weekly Photo Challenge: Motion

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At a nearby conservation area in Southwestern Ontario, hundreds of geese take up residence and this time of year, it can be quite a spectacle. These two honkers couldn’t seem to move fast enough as they chased others across the pond. Click to enlarge.

Be sure to check out more of life in motion at The Daily Post.

Freshly Peeved: Sign Out, Stats and Other Random Changes

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Image credit: fahrmboy-stock.deviantart.com

Change can be good. Change can be awesome. Some changes have no apparent benefit, however. This seems to be the case with the recent changes to the WP reader, icons and stats page.

If you like to navigate from the reader like I do, then you may share some of my beefs.

I can’t sign out directly from the reader. The usual gravatar icon at the top right no longer responds when I hover over it. If I click on it, it takes me to my Profile page, somewhere I would rarely go. I have to go to “My Sites” first, click on “View Site”at the left of the page, hover over that and from the more familiar drop down, finally sign out. That would be 3 clicks and a hover. I give that two thumbs down.

The new Stats Page is very blue, very boring and very unappealing. Not everyone looks at their stats page, but I’ll admit that I do. I like to know if others enjoy my writing, which topics are more popular that I write about, from what countries around the world are other bloggers tuning in. etc. The original stats page is bold, well organized and easy to read. The new one…uh..not so much.

I have no idea how to get to my own gravatar page now…not that I care, I guess.

Those lovely, encouraging orange stars that used to show up at the top right while I browsed my reader….gone. Ding Dong…it’s a bell…hmm…could this be for the holiday season??

I can still get to the original stats page…if I click on my blog first….oh wait….first I must click on My Sites, then in tiny letters “View site”…is this sounding familiar? Once I get into my blog the top toolbar looks like old times. I can click on the stats icon on the left that looks like a graph or I can hover over the little gravatar which will also give me the option of the original stats page. So as it seems, at this moment there are two versions of the stats page.

SO…do you want to voice your opinions?

If you visit the forums (that is, if you can find them) you can read what others are saying about the new changes and add your two cents if you’d like. “Massive changes to the WP interface” and “Missing Sign Out” are two active discussions at the moment.

You can tell WP what you think of the new Stats page by completing the survey they provided on the My Sites page. Click on “Give us your feedback”.

Click on, click off…..oh I wish I could just clap my hands or click my heels and things would go back to normal in the blogosphere.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Signs (2)

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I had to respond again to the Weekly Photo Challenge!

These photos have been waiting for the perfect opportunity to present themselves.

Introducing…some odd, some quirky, some downright smirky…SIGNS!!

Mural

October 230

October 2012 025

October 2012 028

SAMSUNG

Strange Rd2

SAMSUNG

SAMSUNG

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October 2011 562

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Dear Robin Williams

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Thank you for your gifts

Robin_Williams_2011a_(2)Your shenanigans, charades

The epitome of a smile

Bigger than anyone’s

A brilliant mind

You so generously shared

With boundless energy

To make one thing happen

Laughter

We’re not laughing now

Conceiving your pain

Repeating your name

Retracing your fame

Brilliant minds are not safe

From the storm

Or the rain

We will take this joy

You so kindly gave us

Carry gently, your heart

And dance

In the sparkles of your eyes

 

 ~

“But only in their dreams can men be truly free. ‘Twas always thus, and always thus will be.”
~Robin Williams as John Keaton- ‘Dead Poets Society’~

Image: Wikipedia

Recipe for a Rant

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It might be sweet

Or perhaps pernicious

Depending on your mood

Or which persona you choose

To serve up on this plate

One cup of conviction,

Don’t shake it

To half a cup of real

Don’t fake it

Pour into glass bowl

Combine with relevant stories

Or substitute with an allegory

More easily digested

Season with pure grit

And some hot sauce

If you “put that shit

On everything”

Marinate your words

With a little savoir faire

Then let them spill

Clarify and separate yourself

From any shadows of doubt

Before stirring it up

You can add an epochal moment

If you really knead it

Don’t mix in any anger

It will curdle your cause

Sometimes warmth is required

For rants to rise properly

Serve with a side of sassiness

 

Anthony Desmond at dVerse Poet’s Pub really had us firing up the neurons for this one. He chose a list of twelve random words, challenging us to use at least five of them in a poem. I used eight ( pernicious, persona, plate, glass, allegory, shadow, epochal, warmth).

 

 

 

 

50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#21

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21. “Give me ten crying babies…please….but don’t ask me to do a jigsaw puzzle,  or any  other tedious task requiring patience and hand eye coordination. I will probably throw it at you.”

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I work with babies.

I work with babies all day.

I work with babies all day, five days a week.

Do I have your attention?

Yes….waaaah, waaaah, waaaah and more waaaah.

Diapers, rocking chairs, plugs from heaven, pacifiers, air-borne food, catnaps, fevers…I’ve only just begun.

BUT…or shall I say BUTT…

I love it.

Babies are the epitome of life. Think about it.

YOUTH.  INNOCENCE.  ENERGY.  OPEN MINDS…little blank slates ready to absorb the world around them.

It’s a beautiful thing.

Despite the necessary acrobatic skills required to care for six infants at the same time (with one co-worker),  I feel I am blessed every day to have the opportunity to nurture, educate and care for these bundles of wonder. Yes, I said educate.

The screaming crying does not bother me.

Do you know what agitates me?

Threading a needle, figuring out the “features” on my car stereo, untangling Christmas lights or…

Trying to text more than two words on my cell phone without back spacing.

 

Weekly Photo Challenge: Unexpected

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stop that

Meet “Anne”,  a sculpture by Leo Mol.

We met her on a visit to Sculpture Park in Windsor, Ontario near the Ambassador Bridge to Detroit.

I don’t think she was expecting this fellow to use her head as a look out.

~

Related Articles

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/11/22/photo-challenge-unexpected/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windsor_Sculpture_Park

http://www.citywindsor.ca/residents/Culture/Windsor-Sculpture-Park/Documents/Self%20guided%20tour%20book.pdf

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leo_Mol

 

Flying on Lorazepam

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I have never been afraid of flying thousands of feet above the earth in an aircraft of any kind. I am not afraid of heights. I do not carefully check out the passengers for potential terrorists. It doesn’t cross my mind that we may hit a large bird in mid flight and spiral nose first into the ground. Nah.

I am claustrophobic. The worst part for me is when we are boarding and I am waiting patiently anxiously for the plane to move. It hits me again after we have landed and the plane is taxiing on the runway.This phobia has been real for as long as I can remember but has only intensified in the last couple years.

My doctor suggested lorazepam. She offered it to me with a smile on her face as if she used it regularly. She said it was a great medication for this particular issue. When I hesitated, she reminded me that the one place I would not want to have a full out panic attack would be on a flight.  I had to agree since I have already had visions of myself hyperventilating, rushing to the nearest exit door and hurling it into the sky, only to stick my head out for air. Needless to say, the rest of the passengers would soon follow me out with a massive vacuum like force. That would be visual number one. Number two would involve security, possibly some duct tape and a detour landing somewhere like Wichita, Kansas.

So I said yes to lorazepam, the lesser evil.

During my lifetime, I have never required any type of major medication. I am familiar with some medications within the mental health spectrum since I have family members who have used them. Now it was my turn to experience the effects of a tiny little white pill. I was very skeptical, not wanting to use anything that was mind altering on my highly valued coconut for fear it would shred it into pieces. Besides the possible side effects, my main concern was that it was going to manipulate the “me” of who I am, if that makes any sense. If it takes away my fear of being in a confined place, then it is changing my mind. It is convincing me somehow that what I feel is not real. Now, that is a trip and the only trip I wanted to take was to Albuquerque, New Mexico.

As I waited by Gate A25 to board, I meticulously timed the taking of my magic pill so that it’s full effects would be in action before I stepped foot into that skinny “tube”. I was leery to take the whole pill, so I broke it in half.(I am the type of person that feels stoned the next morning after taking cough syrup.) Boarding the plane about a half hour later seemed easier than  normal. Hmmm….I didn’t feel the grip of doom suffocating me as I entered the capsule. I took my seat by the window. Yes I k now, you would think that I would want an aisle seat. Claustrophobics want the aisle seats. Not me. If I am near a window, I can imagine myself OUTSIDE. Outside is good. That is where you want to be when you feel closed in. Makes sense, right?

After getting situated, seat belt on, electronic devices turned off, purse under the seat, etc. , I looked out my beloved window. Then I looked around the airplane. By now, the lovely lorazepam must have been working because my brain seemed to have another entity.

The conversation in my head went something like this….

I should be panicking right now.

You are not panicked.

But that is how I am supposed to feel. I don’t like being in small spaces. I hate airplanes.

That’s some cool information, dude, but sorry…..not feeling it.

But who are you to tell me that I am not afraid. I’m supposed to hate this.

I am your lorazepam brain. I rule at this moment.

I feel controlled by you.

You are.

I hate you.

No you don’t. You just think you do. Relax.

Ok, then I am going to pretend like you’re not here and I never was claustrophobic…and

…and

…oh wow….look at those clouds.

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Thank you, Lorazepam.