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Ruba’i

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Morning breaks my slumber in splatters of freezing rain

Delicate coatings of glass mimic my window pane

If only the world would pause, feel this moment contained

But our thoughts run wild like the tainted river unchained

 

 

For Poetry Forms at dVerse, featuring The Rubaiyet. Fellow pubtender, Frank Hubeny brings us the history and characteristics of the form.

Notes: My first dabbling into this particular form so I’ve begun with one quatrain, known as a “ruba’i . I chose the option of the AAAA rhyme scheme and the original meter of 13 syllables per line. The pattern of accented syllables varies between lines.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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14 responses »

  1. I like your approach to the challenge of writing a ruba’i by sticking close to the original pattern.

    Reply
  2. So hard to be still. (K)

    Reply
  3. line 2 creates such a vivid image

    Reply
  4. I really love all that emotion you manage to capture in such a short poem… the way you contrast the stillness with the rush is very good.

    Reply
  5. 13 syllables is tough. Nice job on this!

    A thought on line 3 – what if you put a punctuation break after the word ‘pause’ and dropped the word ‘to’? I count the line at 14 syllables ( I think) as it stands and the forced pause attached to that word would give it emphasis.

    Reply
  6. I left a response, but it is not showing.

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  7. Thank you for showing me a new way to enjoy the ruba’i style. Your poem gave me the feeling I was looking through very cold, clear glass into the picture you posted.

    Reply
  8. “Delicate coatings of glass”, Did you mean to say, “Delicate coatings of ice”?

    Reply
  9. i liked the varying accented lines

    Reply
  10. This is splendid Mish, beautiful imagery of the frozen rain on the window pain. I did pause to enjoy this poem!

    Reply
  11. I love, “splatters of frozen rain”. Wonderful images shine through in this, and the photo is a perfect complement.

    Reply

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