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Cannikin

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Come closer

Lay your head on my chest

Hear the echo of my phantom heart?

Stone-cold and crumbling

Like the rust of my skin

Don’t come in

 

Come closer

Will you taste my hollowed kiss?

This abyss is my gift…to you

Love letters unwritten

Roses ripe of tarnished tin

Don’t come in

 

 

For Poetics at dVerse, we are writing from the perspective of three characters from The Wizard of Oz. Follow the yellow brick road with us!

Doors open at 3 p.m. EST.

 

 

 

17 responses »

  1. We both wrote about the Tin Man/Woman! I love the title and the repetition of ‘Come closer’ – I feel as if you’re directly addressing me and it makes the poem intimate, especially when asked if I can hear the echo of the phantom heart and taste the hollowed kiss. I especially love the lines:
    ‘Love letters unwritten
    Roses ripe of tarnished tin’
    and the hint of something a little sinister in ‘Don’t come in’.

    Reply
  2. Nice sound: “hollowed kiss?

    This abyss”

    Reply
  3. A fine illustration of your prompt. A bit sad as the metaphoric emotions hit hard, echoing like a hollow barrel being hammered. I wrote about the Scarecrow.

    Reply
  4. Wonderful line — “Hear the echo of my phantom heart”

    Reply
  5. Beautiful, the emptiness saddens.

    Reply
  6. What a great metaphor for so many people who feel less than enough!

    Reply
  7. You wowed me with this, Mish! I especially liked “roses ripe of tarnished tin”.

    Reply
  8. Your poem really reflects the ideas you present in your prompt. I like the way you have repeated ‘don’t come in”. There is a whispering sadness here that lingers.

    Reply
  9. I love the expression of turmoil starting with come closer and ending with don’t come in.

    Reply
  10. Every hollowness has a story.

    Reply
  11. Tin Can heARTS
    SO LOsT iN
    Mechanical
    Cognition
    ART
    Of
    he From:
    dYiNg to:
    coMe out..:)

    Reply
  12. Ah, so difficult for the heart to accept the invitation of love. That is how hearts get broken. Wonderfully done, Mish!

    Reply
  13. What a beautiful poem!!

    Reply
  14. The cadence and word choices here are perfection:
    “Stone-cold and crumbling

    Like the rust of my skin

    Don’t come in”

    Reply
  15. You have captured the Tin Man’s dilemma quite well. Love the images!

    Reply
  16. Tim Philippart

    Love the “Don’t Come In

    Reply

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