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In Search of Glee

Posted on

March 2011 018

December finds my heart heavy like branches weighted in white. I fail to embrace it. Instead I scoff at the scrambling of over anxious shoppers and assumptions that blaring Christmas music brightens my world. The carefully chosen Fraser fir stands unembellished in the living room for yet another day. You know my funk, that same old funk that fiddles with my mind, this time every year. You roll your eyes in circles of “here we go again” as mine well up.

Gazing out the window, I summon a spindly slice of moon for answers. She is silent. You wrap your arms around me as snowflakes flit and flutter against ink spattered skies. I count them like expectations. You hold me tighter, reminding me that the spirit of Christmas is not measured by the amount of hearts sitting around a table. It beats in the loneliest of hearts, even in the darkest of nights.

night cradles the day

Luna peeks from under veil

one star shines brighter


It’s Haibun fun again at dVerse. Toni leads with her expertise on the form and has asked us to write a haibun about a good night, any good night, keeping these haibun rules in mind for the prompt. “1) It is non-fiction 2) It happened directly to you 3) One to two tight paragraphs 4) You end it with a classical seasonal haiku.”  There is lots of time to join in.

14 responses »

  1. I liked the idea of counting snowflakes like “expectations”. I agree that Christmas beats in the loneliest of hearts and the darkest of nights.

  2. There’s way too much pressure to be happy during the holidays. It’s more of the hype and illusion that our media sets up for us. I feel for you, Mish.

    • Aww, thank you Gayle. It is very selfish of me to feel this way each year when there are so many out there alone, homeless or living in danger. I am grateful to have my mom, my husband and one of my two sons to share Christmas with.

      • You’re welcome, Mish. I think that feeling goes deep and doesn’t seem to waver even if you have family around you. One of my daughters has suffered in this way during the holidays too. I wish you well. xo

  3. Awww, I know exactly what you mean (and am dreading Christmas this year, as I’ve been dreading them for the past 3-4 years). I like the way the singularity of the star in your senryu echoes the loneliness.

  4. Mish, wish you lived closer so I could take you out to the horses. There, the quiet of the rolling land, fresh air, and simple being is where I find what I think people are searching for in Christmas…joy. Remember the gift you give year round with your words! Cheers, Bev

  5. This is ever so beautiful, touching. I believe so many people share that melancholic feeling this time of the year. We think of how life has changed and I think of the future, what will happen to my husband or me when one of us is gone…a disease of childless couples, I suppose. I find my cure for that loneliness in the world of spirit. I worry more about him. But we do have good friends, too.

  6. Thank you, Victoria. I struggle with this every year and feel very guilty for doing so. I suppose I don’t think it is wrong to wish for more people in my life to celebrate Christmas with, but I am truly grateful for those that are in my life.

  7. I can relate to the loneliness but Christmas does not need to be so stressful and filled with expectations ~ It can be just a simple gathering but filled with love and togetherness ~ Wishing you Merry Christmas and cheers for the new year ~


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