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50 Things I’ve Learned in 50 Years…#22

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“Friends do not always reveal themselves.”

I am still hanging on to the theory that we were put on this earth to share with others. Whether it be our time, our possessions, our abilities, our talents, our compassion, our stories…whatever we have to give, I think we are supposed to give.  When doing so, sometimes we are blessed with interactions that lead to friendships.

Friendships are gifts. The problem is that sometimes they are hard to identify. If only they came in neat little packages tied up with a bow…with a little tag that says, “Really, I’m your friend..for real.”  Between reading social cues, dealing with your own personal insecurities and the fear of forming assumptions, it can become complicated…at least it has been for me. Maybe I’m just a freak so unique that I have trouble with this. I am a very open person. This could hinder the process of some potential friendships. I probably scare the hell out of people. Would I change this about me? Absolutely not.

So what have I learned about friendships?

I’ve learned that often I am afraid to call them that.

I know what I think a friendship should be.

My eclectic personality requires a wide variety of friends.

I’ve learned that the more time someone gives me, the more I feel they are truly my friend.

Although I do not fear rejection (because I am secure with who I am), I get frustrated when I can’t determine the intentions of others. I am not sure if this is a problem on my part or theirs.

For the most part, I think I am a good friend.

I treasure the friendships I have.

A friend can come in any size, race, age, occupation, social background, education, etc.

Openness is key to me.

Your spouse can be your best friend.

Anything pretentious, materialistic or superficial does not interest me.  My relationships need to be deeper.

I have learned that even at my age, I still have lots to learn about establishing friendships.

In my opinion…

A good friend truly cares about you, would do almost anything in the world for you, listens to you, advises you, confides in you, laughs with you and cries with you.

A good friend is someone who doesn’t care what you look like, accepts all of your faults, your mistakes and never gives up on you.

A good friend has no ulterior motives for being your friend.

A good friend considers the reasons you have become who you are.

A good friend sees your positive traits and enjoys them in the moment.

A good friend has time for you.

A good friend would sincerely miss you if you were gone.


Birds of a feather sticking together at San Diego Zoo Safari Park

15 responses »

  1. Unique – freak, I like that word play. I totally agree with you, what a friend is. I just don’t have so much fear of rejection left in me, after 64 years. 🙂

    • You know..rejection was really the wrong word to use. You have convinced me to edit that. Honestly, I just have a hard time interpreting people when it comes to friendships. It’s not really that I fear rejection as much as I don’t want to waste my time nurturing a friendship when someone does not have the same intention. Life is too short. Thank you for reading and commenting. 🙂

  2. I am more and more discerning about with whom I wish to be friends. Those who do not value my friendship are replaced by those who do. I used to feel that somehow I had failed if someone did not honor my friendship. I no longer feel that way…just that it is not the right time and place for us to be friends. Love your blog, hugs, pat

    • Thanks, Pat! I am enjoying your blog too. It is very honest and inspiring. I agree with your comments. There are so many wonderful people in this world. We do not need to beat ourselves up when we don’t click with someone.
      In our younger years I think friendships are more verbalized and clear. As we age, we lose the lingo and perhaps we don’t express ourselves as openly regarding our friendships. Just a thought.
      Thanks for taking a stroll through my blog today. 🙂

  3. I experience lesser need to grasp as I have aged. I have fewer opinions. I’m not right. I’m not guarded. Changes perspective about friendship. Much easier and sweeter. I loved your post.

  4. Thank you so much, Gretchen. It makes me happy that you enjoyed it. 🙂

  5. I love the 50’s, and I loved the 40’s and the 30’s. Every decade I have evolved and realized more of who I am. In that, I realize I’m a loner, and I’m ok with that. I just never fit in with other’s and friendships were generally disappointing – perhaps because there are expectations about how they should be. I think that’s what I love about friendships via the blogosphere – it’s respectful and kind. There is encouragement, understanding and compassion. There are no expectations. There are those little surprises and gifts that we find in our comment section that feels warm and loving. These friendships I find with bloggers are the best I’ve known. It is where I belong… it’s why I come here, friend. 🙂

    • Littlesundog, thank you for taking the time to comment.

      It has been interesting to see how this post has been interpreted by others. I really do value the friendships that I have and I am always open to making new ones. Although some friendships develop very naturally, I think sometimes there is awkwardness and reluctance on one or even both parties, which could actually prevent a great friendship.
      I agree with you that as we grow older and hopefully evolve, we figure out what works for us in the social world. It is wonderful that you have developed friendships here. It certainly is a nurturing and positive environment from what I’ve experienced.

      And in this brilliant and amazing blogosphere spanning across oceans and countries around the world, I would be happy to call you “friend”. 🙂

  6. I love this. 🙂 You sound a lot like me. I’ve always believed that friendship is an act of recognition… love is as well. There is little doubt when we come in contact with one of these true “soul friends”. We recognize it almost immediately. 🙂 And sharing… your thoughts on that go hand-in-hand with mine. Wonderful post!

  7. Peter Notehelfer

    I have found that true friends are rare and one must nurture those friendship with great care. Acquaintances are many but I fear the old axiom holds true: ‘Out of sight / Out of mind’ . . . We love some people instinctively; others we simply learn to tolerate; occasionally someone loves us unconditionally . . . It is the mutuality of unconditionality that makes a great friendship . . . ‘Greater love has no one than this . . .’

  8. Mish, had you considered submitting this to Artists 4 Peace? I think it would be perfect for the August monthly topic of Friendship 🙂 Nudge, push 🙂


  9. Hey Melanie, I’m glad you thought of it, because I didn’t…I will certainly pass it along to you. Thanks for the nudge! 🙂

  10. 🙂 Scheduling to post on the 15th, thanks again 🙂


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