*8. ” Nothing can change the past. You can only change how you feel about it. Move on.”
Reminiscing about the past was something I valued. I thought it meant I was deep. I reflected on my experiences. I analyzed. I let myself be consumed by the emotions and the images and the……..
Reminiscing is something I still value. I still think it makes me deep. I like to reflect.
Ok, now I’m being honest.
The truth is , it’s hard to keep your focus on what is ahead without looking behind you. You know what is behind you. It’s your story, your identity, your true but slightly fabled account of how it went down. It gives you fuel to make a point. It gives excuses for your daily behaviour. The past can hold a lot of negative power.
The future becomes a tale to be told later. Right now, it can give you hope. If you are oblivious to it, it will simply pass you by and join the other dead parts of who you were and what you did.
Look at your present moment. Feel it. Know it. Own it. “Now” is something you can choose. The past is no longer a choice.
You can’t change the past but you can change your feelings about it. I am not talking about denying yourself the emotions you need to move through stages of grief or divorce. These are necessary, healthy steps in your journey. When you can’t bare to take the next step however, you may find it helpful to ask yourself some questions.
Will I let this hurt me to the core of my being?
How do I want this to change who I am?
Can I think of new ways to handle this, cope with this or accept this?
Did I do anything to contribute to this event? Am I being honest with myself about that?
Is there something I can salvage from the wreckage that is new to me, something I can use to move forward?
If we dwell on what has been, then it will be again….and again…..and again, in our minds.
Good memories can be treasured and filed under A for awesome. Take them out and bring them back to life whenever the urge strikes you…because they give you joy! It is cruel to relive our tragedies, losses and broken dreams. File them under D for done.